When Wine is Medically Necessary… In Praise of Girlfriends

Show of hands – how many of you need some Girl Time?

Parenting expert and psychologist Dr. Michele Borba says that while moms tend to do just fine in the mothering department, they fail in a key subject: taking care of themselves. MOMeos need some time away with their friends as much as anyone. Whether a brisk walk, dinner out or a weekend in Vegas, it’s as necessary for your sanity as diapers are for newborns.

“Girlfriends really help reduce our stress, restore balance and serve as the support system we need to reduce our loneliness,” says Borba.

Today, four in ten mothers are single parents; more moms are working from home, a higher divorce rate, longer work weeks, and a flailing economy means cutbacks as finances shrink. This all equates to less female support.

“At the end of the 19th century nearly 50 per cent of mothers lived with another female, such as a mother or sister, who helped with housework and child rearing” explains Borba.

“That number is now down to 20 per cent.”

Borba notes that a staggering 96 per cent of moms feel they are far more stressed than their own mothers; reports say that moms are sleep-deprived, caffeine-addicted, chronically fatigued, and lonely.

The cure? Conversations, commiseration and Cabernet Sauvignon!

“We devote so much time to our families, we forget to take time for our social needs,” says Borba.

Conclusion: drinking wine is medically necessary.

Tracy Lyn Moland, author of Mom Management; Managing Mom Before Everybody Else agrees women have a tendency to put themselves last.  Women have a switch that is set to half-guilt all the time, and when they have a child, the switch gets turned on full-time.

“In order to be the best mom in the world, we need to take care of ourselves first…without those nagging feelings of guilt or selfishness.”

Moland says kids will learn to become more independent when mom is away; an energized, confident mother with a strong sense of purpose, balance, and priorities sets an example for her children.

“Being a mom is all about survival; do whatever you need to make it through. Women really, really need their friends,” Moland insists, “especially since husbands can sometimes be inattentive.”

Moland says she lost her own sense of self when her kids were 2 and 4. She started her own business partly to make friends and connections, and “became a better mom because I had something in me to give and I felt alive.”

Moland recommends making sure to take care of physical and nutritional needs, individual quiet time, a 15-minute walk, a night class or time set aside for a project or hobby.

Another way to combat isolation: Start up your own “Momtourage Group.”

Borba believes the support group cures lonely mom syndrome. Start by identifying your “Momtourage” needs; exercising / losing weight, learning a hobby, a book club, meal planning, or motherhood advice.  Then, find at least one mom who shares your need, designate a convenient meeting spot, set a consistent meeting time – and do it!

Other ways to connect with moms include car pooling, babysitting co-ops, meal planning, mani/pedi days, art gallery visits, pottery painting, movie or theatre night, or of course shopping.

Building a support system will save your social life and your sanity. So leave the kids, the alarm clock and the guilt behind.

Top 3 suggestions for outings with your gal pals:

1. VEGAS, BABY – Wipe the baby food from your high heels and get in touch with your Inner Diva again:  this is the ultimate indulgence for a kid-free, guilt-free weekend.
2. SPA WEEKEND IN THE MOUNTAINS – If Vegas is too high-octane for you, and all you want to do is sleep, then pick a place where you can be waited on hand…and foot. Manicure, pedicure, facial, full-body massage, the works. You’ve earned it.
3. SHOPPING IN NEW YORK – Just picture it: you’ll have BOTH hands free to shop. Be a glamorous lady who does lunches and stay seated while other people serve you for a change. A great way to recharge.