Mommy Mojo: Getting Over Mom Guilt – How to Move from Guilt to Gratitude

Most of us moms have in our life a heavy overstuffed suitcase called: guilt.

Some of us carry it all the time.
Some of us keep packing more into it.
Some of us ‘ship’ it via the guilt version of fed-ex so more of it can go around.
A large majority of us simply got it as a hand-me-down directly from our own moms.

No matter how we learned to pack it, carry it, or transfer it, we are culturally trained ‘to go there’ – to that felt place of guilt. Unfortunately, some of us ‘go there’ very very fast, hardly pausing to consider if the trip is warranted.

How We Go from A to G in a Heartbeat…

“My son stopped me and said: mommy, you said we were not going to yell at each other anymore.”

“Mom, I feel like you are on the computer a lot and not paying attention to me.”

“I didn’t see that I put too many expectations on my daughter lately…She had a meltdown.”

In any one of these moments you have a choice: you can either go to Guilt or Gratitude. Which ‘G’ do you go to?

Switching up your G’s: How to Go from Guilt to Gratitude

#1: Give yourself a break – Just before going to that oh-so-familiar place of guilt, pause and ask yourself if you can go instead to the place of gratitude? Yes, you have been ‘caught’ by your son for yelling again. You can be grateful that he is sensitive to your agreement and is not afraid to remind you of that. Then have an honest, open conversation about ‘calling each other’ on that.

#2: Release the guilt and embrace gratitude for the imperfect moment – As parents, we are all likely to have more ‘flawed’ moments like the one you just had. Tell your daughter you are grateful she is bringing this up and that you may not always ‘get it right’. As you know, she will not always do it right either. This is your opportunity to turn it to a teachable moment. What triggered you? What felt real? What are you taking away from that? Share with her!

#3: Find gratitude in vulnerability – The more you OWN your mistakes, shortcomings, and realizations, the more you model it to your children. Essentially, you are giving them a way of accepting and languaging their own vulnerabilities. It is through these moments of “talking vulnerable” that we deepen our intimacy with our children. You want to have more of those conversations as they mature to become grown-ups.

So next time you find yourself running into guilt, see if you can mix up your G’s. Stop the self-criticizing; the self-beating; the “How-can- I-have-done-it” track. Consciously switch to gratitude. It will feel so much lighter. And it will enlighten the conversation you will have with yourself, and with your child.

Want more tips on dealing with mom guilt? Visit Yulit online at www.yulitprice.com or find her on Twitter!