Q1: Why are parents constantly overindulging their kids?
@OurMomSpot A1: Guilt
@CarlaYoung Q1: Because we can…
@ OurMomSpot A1: Pride & the desire for the kids to have it better than we did.
@ JenP_kidsauthor A1: they are worn down and it’s easier than saying no.
@ PeggyHarperLee @CarlaYoung Misguided sense of “I just want my kid to be happy and have it better than I did”
@ TiredMama1 I use, ‘That’s not my problem, it’s yours’ a lot. When they start to demand something or they tell me they’re bored.
@ PeggyHarperLee @TiredMama1 That put the responsibility back where it belongs!
@ PeggyHarperLee Fear & guilt are big reasons why we spoil as well.
@PeggyHarperLee Fear is usually that my child will hate me or be mad at me
Q2: How do you tell if you are a spoiler parent?
@ PeggyHarperLee You likely already know and just don’t know what else to do
@ HeatherSBroad Too many toys in the house!!!
@ CarlaYoung Q2: Look in their toy room…if it’s full, chances are…
@ PeggyHarperLee You may be a spoiler parent if you are rescuing your child—did you help him cram for his test instead of let him get an F?
@ AskMamaMOE Q2: I think the first sign is if your child throws a tantrum if you haven’t given brought home a gift, or given a sweet…!
@ MamaBearsPlace Q2 #momeochat when you embarrassed to discipline in public
@ PeggyHarperLee Spoiler parent is one who over-indulges or over protects
@ AskMamaMOE I think spoiling starts off innocently enough, but then can turn into a problem!
@ SarahDeveau Q2 Halloween candy made me realise my spoiler weak spot. Begging for it, whining for more, I give in and regret it.
@ SugarChicTreat I would “rescue” with homework as there was only so much crying “I don’t get it” I could handle!
Q3: Where should we as parents draw the line on too much stuff?
@ PeggyHarperLee Harder to draw the line when you can afford to over-indulge
@ CarlaYoung Q3: When you are buying more storage for toys and stuff…um…EEK! #guilty
@ JenP_kidsauthor When buying extras outweighs necessities.
@ OurMomSpot Parents who grew up poor initially feel pride at being able to spoil. UNTIL the behaviour problems begin
@ AskMamaMOE Q3: Too much stuff…I like @PeterWalsh ‘s rule – the one in one out. Doesn’t always happen though!
@ PeggyHarperLee Good rule of thumb, Look at how often you treat yourself—you know whether it’s too much. Apply same std. or lower to child.
@ SarahDeveau Wild assumption – I bet everyone’s kids here have multiple times the toys we all did as kids.
@ CarlaYoung @OurMomSpot I can see that! It becomes a pride issue.
@ MelissaVroon Q3: on DS bday he only got 1 gift from us. I felt guilty all day. It’s a fine line, trying not to spoil but feeling guilty.
@ PeggyHarperLee Donate to less fortunate and build compassion too!
@ DoinaOncel @kimgarst @CarlaYoung @KidsGummyMum We are donating gently used toys to our church for Christmas presents to less fortunate
MOMeo Q4: What are the signs that your child is becoming entitled?
@ AskMamaMOE Q4: when your child pulls a tantrum because he/she didn’t receive something…when they expect it.
@ JenP_kidsauthor When they no longer express gratitude.
@ OurMomSpot @MOMeo A4: An entitled child demands things. When they receive things, they get bored quickly & do not show care or gratitude.
@ CarlaYoung Q4: When they ask for the next thing as the thing they are doing is ending…
@ PeggyHarperLee Too much stuff fosters thankless and greedy child.
@ HeatherSBroad I really struggle with “I just want my child to be happy” & “you’re only a kid once” mindset
@ PeggyHarperLee @HeatherSBroad That’s huge. But they also only have one chance to develop character and mature into health, happy adult.
Q5: Why should you not get your kids everything they want this Christmas?
@ DoinaOncel They already have everything
@ PeggyHarperLee Extra stuff needs to be an occasional treat not commonplace.
@ SarahDeveau No room 4 the entire Sears Wish Book!
@ AskMamaMOE Q5: Christmas is still very exciting for them (Santa and all), but I make sure they have one special thing they asked for
@ CarlaYoung Q5: Christmas is about that one special thing…not 25 special things…it makes it less special
@ PeggyHarperLee Q5 You rob them of ability to tolerate delayed gratification—won’t learn to handle frustrations
@ CarlaYoung A friend once said she wants to give her children experiences not things…love that!
@ PeggyHarperLee If he’s getting everything he WANTS, he’ll see it as NEEDS and be unable to tell the difference
MOMeo Q6: How to you put a stop to the whining and the gimmes?
@ MelissaVroon Q5 because even if I got DS all the toys he wants, he’ll get bored of them right away. Better to limit them
@ KidsGummyMum Q5 -Oldest is old enough to start buying what she wants with own money. Paper route & learning to save.
@ AskMamaMOE @MOMeo Q6: we’re working on that now! But calming them down, talking and counting to 10 sometimes works.
@ EntreprenMoms Play videos of children in need globally
@ CarlaYoung Q6: Ignore it
@ SarahDeveau Q6 – we’ve fallen into this trap with the little treats at playplaces, grocery store, grandma’s house.
@ CarlaYoung Q6: Make the things they really want something they earn
@ PeggyHarperLee Have values, communicate them clearly, & stand firm. “We don’t do greed & gluttony at our house”
@ khluvr621 Firm “no” and ignore.
@ EntreprenMoms Q6- Best way we’ve found to teach that giving/ experiencing is better than stuff, is to model it.
@ AskMamaMOE I don’t know about you, but grandparents make this issue VERY hard!
@ CarlaYoung @EntreprenMoms We have lots of talks about the children who have nothing, not even a house or parents talks
@ SarahDeveau Kids are awesome about big things but horrible about little treats. Feel like instituting a treat ban 2 break the habit
@ PeggyHarperLee Time is more valuable than money to kids. Give gifts you can’t put a price tag on.
@ TiredMama1 We did the change of latitude, change of attitude. Showing them how the majority of the world lives puts perspective back.
@ momstownCtrlAb #momeochat Q6 we took our oldest to a children’s home and she saw 1st hand what less fortunate means
@ AskMamaMOE Giving your time to your children is the best gift you can give (and the real gift they want)
@ nakiareighbiz “@CarlaYoung: Q6: Make the things they really want something they earn
@ EntreprenMoms A friend posts her family values in a type of creed on the wall with input from even the youngest in the brood. Love that.
@ EntreprenMoms Q6- Sadly once or twice I had to indulge a whining child because they were disturbing others and we were stuck there
Q7: Why do parents and grandparents always end up buying too many gifts?
@ PeggyHarperLee @OurMomSpot Grandparents are tough, but communicate the vision and they may get on board. They have lots of time!
@ PeggyHarperLee I little spoiling won’t hurt, it’s just if it goes overboard. Would hate to take away the Grand experience for child and GParent
@ PeggyHarperLee It can–helps if they are enlisted to help solve a problem.
@ AskMamaMOE Hey! Guess what? Tomorrow is #randomactofkindnessday that would be a good way to teach children
@ PeggyHarperLee Best way to handle buying too many toys–plan ahead. Coordinate with GParents
Q8: How do you handle extended family that goes overboard with toys and gifts?
@ CarlaYoung Q8: Explain that as things come in, other things need to go out! Avoids the temptation to go crazy
@ PeggyHarperLee @CarlaYoung If they don’t cooperate, donate the excess to a truly needy child. Teach your kids to be generous and share joy
@ OurMomSpot A8: We spoke with them directly. Luckily, we didn’t get any crazy-ness from them.
@ AskMamaMOE @PeggyHarperLee we have started this – and I am not lying when I say we still have an unopened gift or two from bday 6mths ago!
@ TiredMama1 I have the grandparents take them out on an event together. Then it’s a gift/break for me too and less stuff in my house
@ jennmcgroary We also do name swap.
@ CarlaYoung Q8: I try to encourage extended family to give consumable gifts…craft supplies, coloring books, stickers
@ SarahDeveau Experiences only – toys will b returned/donated.
@ EntreprenMoms Q8 I try to encourage them to ask me what the kids need first before purchasing, eg new running shoes
@ CarlaYoung Q8: What drives me crazy is when they bring gifts just for visiting!
@ EntreprenMoms Usually we raise $500-1000 for charity #nogifts
@ AskMamaMOE @MOMeo Q8: talking in advance to them might help (might!)
MOMeo Q9: What are the other ways kids become entitled?
@ PeggyHarperLee We’ve been talking about the most common way, Overindulgence—spoiling kids with material things
@OurMomSpot: Parents, don’t make the mistake of thinking you can substitute “things” for interaction.
@ DoinaOncel When other children have it they think they MUST have it too
@ PeggyHarperLee Overprotection has same effect as overindulgence because child never learns consequences–helicopter parents
@ PeggyHarperLee Neglect also has spoiling effect because power shift from parent to child
@ AskMamaMOE @MOMeo Pampering, boasting, complimenting too much (is that possible?), definitely catering!
@ OurMomSpot A9: When kids get away with lying to avoid consequences & when they are permitted to be bullies, they become entitled.
@ PeggyHarperLee Neglect can be because of harsh circumstances, or it can be at the hands of jet-setting parents
@ CarlaYoung Q9: I loved what @PeggyHarperLee said about rescuing and not letting consequences happen!
MOMeo Q10: What can parents do to turn their entitled child around?
@ PeggyHarperLee Some parents are uncomfortable with power, but if you give it to your child, he can’t use it in his best interest.
@ AskMamaMOE @MOMeo Q10: I think if it starts to get too much, a real one-on-one time with child is needed to get things back on track
@ PeggyHarperLee My book, ”Spoiled” covers the six common mistakes spoiler parents make & what to do differently
@ DoinaOncel @PeggyHarperLee The ownership kids need is over their behaviour. Some responsibility is healthy.
@ PeggyHarperLee It’s really important to address your own emotional baggage if it’s getting in the way—you deserve to heal
@ EntreprenMoms Like letting them be late to school if they delay
@ PeggyHarperLee ”Spoiled” also covers the six common mistakes spoiler parents make & what to do differently
@ PeggyHarperLee Recognize the power you have as a parent and be confident in using it to help your child
Encouraging parents to take charge and be the leaders their children deserve, author Peggy Harper Lee shows parents how to recognize the signs of entitlement & provides practical advice & solutions for effective & disciplined parenting in her upcoming book, “Spoiled: Fresh Ideas for Parenting Your Entitled Child at any Age”. Now avaialble for pre-sale.