Ever make one of those epic, all-time record-setting mistakes that in hindsight, was so obvious that anyone witnessing the train-wreck should have seen it coming? (Except you because of course, us idea-generators have a hard time seeing our ideas objectively).
Trust me, everyone all saw it coming. They just didn’t know how to tell you.
The reason is simple human nature: no one wants to hurt anyone else’s feelings (and that’s exactly what they think they’ll do if they tell you that your idea sucks). Of course, they don’t think of it that way – they all just quietly hope that they are wrong.
What if they aren’t wrong? What if what they shared with you upfront could have helped you choose a different focus? What if they had told you what was wrong with your idea before you invested in it?
That’s why you need to surround yourself with a No Bullshit team. The people who will give you the straight truth (whether you like it or not). The people who will help you take your ideas to the next level because they force you to defend it against the ‘What if’s?’
How to Get the No Bullshit Version of the Truth
#1: Choose Wisely – Whatever you do, don’t pick your mother or anyone else in your life who bakes you cookies because it’s very unlikely that they are going to want to hurt your feelings by telling you that your idea sucks.
Pick your No Bullshit team carefully. Choose people who you know will tell it like it is even if it means delivering a (gentle, but truthful) blow to your pride. Don’t err too far on the other extreme, however, as the constant critic isn’t helpful either.
#2: Ask Carefully – Don’t just throw your idea out on the table and expect honest, no bullshit feedback. If you want a careful criticism (without the candy coating), you need to ask for it (and be specific about what you are looking for).
The best approach is to ask for honest feedback upfront so your listener knows what you expect of them before you start describing your idea. That way the listener is actively listening with the right intention: to deliver you a no BS response (instead of the usual smile and nod).
#3: Listen Beyond the Feedback – Instead of searching their answers (or criticism) for grains of support for your idea (which we all know we do, secretly hoping that our idea is a once-in-a-lifetime gem), look for the grains of truth that will lead to improvement.
The reason you need a No Bullshit team isn’t to discourage you into not moving forward, it’s to help you move forward with a stronger, better idea. Revise your idea, go back for more feedback and keep at it until you feel confident that there are no more loose ends to tie up.
10 Comments
Well said Carla. Not giving it to folk straight doesn’t serve them well at all. Here’s to creating a no BS zone.
Thanks for this!
Thanks for this!
You are welcome! It needed to be said.
Yes to creating a no BS zone!
There’s certainly a lot to be gained if you always tell the truth in business meetings and say your mind. As I’ve gotten older and sat in more meetings I’ve tried to say my opinions and generally they’re well received. The worst that can happen is someone ignores you, but at least you’ll know you made a stand against what you thought was wrong (although it would suck to become a person who hates everyones idea, that would be too far the other way).
Love it…sharing right now! 🙂 Brandy
I couldnt agree more, its like the friend who goes shopping with you and always says you look great when you look like a beached whale squished into a dress! When you want to make real change you need to be open to hearing what you need to hear. Love your post, thanks to Brandy Mychals for sharing it.
Thanks Brandy!
It’s certainly true that you worry less about filtering as you grow older (and hopefully wiser). I think if I have any wisdom at all to share, I should share it and what people do with it is up to them!