It’s the Yin and the Yang of decision-making. For every “Yes” you say to some random request, there is a corresponding “No” to a potential future opportunity that you can’t take advantage of because of overload. And for every “No”, there’s a corresponding future “Yes” in the form of space for the universe to fill in with opportunity.
So when you say “Yes” to something that you know isn’t the right fit or that you don’t really want to do, what are you saying “No” to? Is it even possible to know what opportunities you fail to see while gazing in the wrong direction?
Saying “Yes” to the wrong things doesn’t just cost you your time and probably a bit of your patience, it costs you what you are truly seeking. Maybe the person who has the power to bestow that opportunity sees how busy you are with that other project and chooses not to bother you. Perhaps it’s as simple as a missed email that you catch a day too late.
How to Practice Zen and the Art of Saying NO!
#1: If it isn’t an immediate YES, say “No!” – Ever begrudgingly take on a project only to have it turn into an absolute disaster for everyone involved, especially you? Never take on a maybe project because we both know maybe is just a polite way of trying say no. Just say no and be done with it.
#2: Ask your Inner Zen Master – Where does your Inner Zen Master live within your body? Your heart? Your gut? Your toes? Ask your Inner Zen Master for the answer and pay attention to your physical response. If your stomach flops or your toes turn cold, perhaps it’s a sign that you should say no.
#3: Establish your Criteria for a “Yes” – What does a “Yes” look like in a perfect world? Create your ‘blueprint’ for the ideal scenario for a “Yes” and use that to gauge and filter opportunities. How many boxes will you tolerate left unchecked before it’s a “No”?
#4: BE the YES – Don’t just be a quiet “Yes”, but a “Hell yes!” or a “Woo-HOO yes”. Jump into your YES opportunities headfirst and embrace them, celebrate them and give them everything you’ve got!
#5: Repel the NO – The best way to avoid having to say “No” to the stuff you don’t want is to make it very clear what you don’t want – to prevent the “No” opportunities from even coming up. Perhaps you post a sign on your virtual door that says, “Boring people need not apply” or whatever else you are trying to repel.
How do you practice your Zen techniques of saying “No”? Share your tips on the comments below!
6 Comments
Great article, and so true. I was just contemplating this myself last week as I have a couple of clients who take a lot of phone time and don’t contribute much (if anything) to my business. Saying no is a hard, but necessary thing to do… especially if you want to keep your sanity!
Learning how to say “no” with grace and certainty is such a necessary step in life.
Learning how to say “no” with confidence and grace is such an important lesson in life.
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I couldn’t agree more. I think “No” is one of the hardest words for some women to use. Striking the balance between when to use it is what’s key.
When I say yes to something that i really don’t want to do than i feel a real drain of my energy. Sometimes i think the best thing to do is say, I’ll get back to you. That way I can decide if it is really a good use of time, or something I need to do.