You know Suzy. Perfectly frosted cupcakes. Gifts for every teacher. Suzy Homemaker.
Why is it that there’s always at least one mom in the carpool circle that seems to outdo everyone else? The perfectly wrapped and be-ribboned end of the year teacher’s gift isn’t just about showing appreciation for the preschool teacher, is it? Am I imagining a smirk of victory on that perfectly powdered face? I think I just lost that portion of the competition.
And that’s my point. We’re competing??? Seriously? I suppose it’s human nature to compare ourselves, one to another. And there are some who are, by nature, more competitive than others.
So it’s no wonder that when we all get together for Mommy & Me class and moms share their baby’s developmental milestones, it’s tough not to compare. It’s tough not to be triggered when Suzy’s baby is sleeping through the night or pushed up sooner and loves organic green beans….
There was a time when I did envy those amazing handmade party invitations and aspired to having dinner on the table every night (no wait… that’s a lie!). But I finally had to admit to myself that Suzy I was not. I was soooo far from Suzy that frankly, I couldn’t relate to her at all. But after admitting that, the pressure to be her or even be her friend lifted off me like a wool sweater in summer.
The admission gave me permission to be more myself… which was more likely to be last in carpool and to forget my kids lunch. The cool thing is that being myself not only is a heck of a lot of easier than the charade I was trying to pull off but I’ve been able to connect with other moms that are… more like me! Funny how that works, huh?
As I’ve discovered again and again… have the courage to actually show up in your life and you’ll be amazed at the people who show up with you.
So tonight I let the kids splash in the pool for an extra two hours instead of rushing them in to dinner. We had a very un-Suzy-like dinner of ramen noodles, American cheese slices, saltines, blueberries, and baby carrots followed by a trip to the store for strawberry twizzlers. Hey, it’s summer!
Wanna join us for din-din tomorrow? I think we have hot dogs.
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9 Comments
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Amen! My own mother was a Suzy. I have to let everyone in on this … my mother always tells me how proud she is of me for 'doing my own thing' as a mother. She says it was so hard to live up to the image of herself that she created in other people's eyes – whew! So here's to all of us moms who are just 'doing our own thing' – yay!
This is adorable! I am totally NOT Suzy perfect and so appreciate the fact that there are other moms out there who are not only willing to admit that they aren't perfect, but who want to connect on the basis of imperfection! We carry around hairbrushes in our purses for that moment when we drop our kids off at school and notice that their hair isn't brushed. Bows? Forget about it! Imperfection is the new black and I am going to keep saying that because it's true! Thanks for spreading the word 😉
We don't do it to make anyone else look bad- we don't do it to be in competition, it's simply who we are. To fault us for that is just sad. We just want to live our lives and raise our kids the way we feel works best for us. It's not based on how we think others would like us to do it. We are not judging you for the way you are- so don't judge us for being pulled together and what you perceive as having the perfect this or that. If it makes you feel better about yourself to alienate us for being who we are- then so be it. But don't you think we should all move past the high school pettiness and just be kind to one another.
You are absolutely right, Gina! Thank you for making that point and having the courage to be who YOU are. It did not occur to me that someone might identify with “Suzy” because even the most “perfect” among my friends feels like it's an ideal, an impossible standard that has somehow been created by glossy magazines in our own minds as women and mothers — well, my own mind, at the very least.
When I wrote this piece, I was obviously triggered by the ideal. And the article itself was my coming to terms with not living up to it and being okay with that. It was not meant to be an “us” versus “them” but rather an “all us.” But I apologize if you felt judged by it, Gina.
Wow, Susie. Thanks for sharing this about your mom. How freeing and validating for you (and me!)
Thanks. It seems there are a lot of us just scraping by, huh?
When we interviewed Ayelet Waldman last year about her book, Bad Mother, my awesome partner in shenanigans, @ZenMommy said, “But aren't we just creating another club then? The 'bad mother' club?” A point well taken and reinforced by Gina (above).
So I want to clarify that, just as with anything else, we view the world through our own lenses (filters). When I am triggered by something and “judge” another, it's a part of ME I am rejecting. It's an exercise like this that brings clarity to who I am. The difference being that as a blogger, I do it publicly, so I run the risk of bumping into someone else's lenses and triggering their lessons. And so the world turns….
I am so not Suzy. But I do admit to have fleeting moments of trying to be Suzy, but it was just way to hard and not how I’m programmed. I have friends that are Suzy’s and I applaud them for that, just as they applaud me for being a mumpreneur. We are all different and as along as we recognise that in ourselves and others, we can truly be who we are. I remember a time when a friend would get frustrated that people around her didn’t have the ambition and drive she did. It’s simple, if we all had that same drive and determination there would be less opportunities to go around. We can’t all be Suzy’s just like we can’t all be elite athletes or mumpreneurs. We are all wired differently and if we can embrace that about each other and utilise each others skills, we can be much happier.
I am so not Suzy. But I do admit to have fleeting moments of trying to be Suzy, but it was just way to hard and not how I'm programmed. I have friends that are Suzy's and I applaud them for that, just as they applaud me for being a mumpreneur. We are all different and as along as we recognise that in ourselves and others, we can truly be who we are. I remember a time when a friend would get frustrated that people around her didn't have the ambition and drive she did. It's simple, if we all had that same drive and determination there would be less opportunities to go around. We can't all be Suzy's just like we can't all be elite athletes or mumpreneurs. We are all wired differently and if we can embrace that about each other and utilise each others skills, we can be much happier.