When I made the transition from stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom, I did so with very little fanfare.
A couple of social media-savvy friends saw the occasional Facebook status update that revealed my new secret life as a blogger. When I began working in social media marketing, a few more noticed that I sometimes turned down engagements with the excuse, “I have to work.”
Despite the clues, it took well over a year for many of my local friends to realize I had built a business and was working essentially full time – although at odd hours of the day and night.
Why the Confusion?
For many work-at-home moms, defining our jobs to friends and family is a difficult task. We spend just as much time justifying why we’re “always on the computer” as we do explaining the details of our work. While a former teacher returning to the classroom can simply share her exciting news with friends, a work from home MOMeo has to explain why what she does even qualifies as a job. Appearing at the bus stop, a mid-day moms’ group activity, or school pick-up in old jeans and a t-shirt further confuses friends and teachers. What are you?
The Problem: Boundaries
One of the most difficult side effects of choosing the life of a what-is-she-doing-anyway-work-at-home-mom is the complete lack of boundaries. My phone rings just as frequently with calls from friends and family as it did before I began my business. I have difficulty explaining why I cannot attend mother/child activities as frequently, and saying the dreaded word “no” to volunteer requests has become more and more problematic, as I’ve had to say it more often.
How to Draw the Line
Set office hours.
Allocate specific days and times for work. Certainly this doesn’t mean you can only work during allotted times, but defining a work schedule and sharing it with friends and family will not only keep social calls at bay, but push you to work more efficiently.
Introduce yourself as a working mom.
When my daughter began preschool, my full-time job was nursing her very clingy four-month-old brother. That was how the school met and knew me. When said daughter began kindergarten this year, I was sure to include on all pertinent forms that I was a business owner, self-employed, not always available. My children’s elementary school will never know me as anything other than a mom who also works from home.
Schedule breaks.
I chat with my father on the phone most days. By calling when I know I have time, I am less likely to get sucked into a conversation when I really need to be working on a client’s project.
Be consistent.
If you tell friends and family you are unable to take personal calls between 9:00 and 1:00 on Monday, then not only take those calls but also indulge in lengthy personal conversations, you’re sending the message you are not prioritizing your work time. If that is the case, it’s difficult to ask others to do the same.
Say no.
Running a business and a family can give a woman a sense of what it is to “do it all.” But the truth is we cannot do it all. Choose the work and community obligations that fit best, and simply say no to the others. By refusing to overschedule, there’s less chance of work life bleeding into the personal, and vice versa.
Include your partner.
There have been many nights when I’ve gotten up from my desk to help my husband with our two fussing children. Then one day I threatened to drop our three-year-old son off at my husband’s office during his work hours because I “could use a little help here.” Get your partner on board. Work together to define the boundaries that are the best fit for your life.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take this client call while I brush my son’s teeth…
How do you set boundaries in your life? Comment below and join the conversation.
Amy Lupold Bair is a sometimes freelance writer, a former pro-blogger and an entrepreneurial social media marketer in the DC metro area – not to mention a stay-at-home mom to two little ones.
Since mid-2008, Amy has covered a variety of topics including parenting tips, organizational strategies, product reviews and recommendations at her site, Resourceful Mommy. While working as Chief Blogger for Family Eden’s blog, Amy invented promotional Twitter parties called sitewarmings. This developed into SiteWarming Parties by Resourceful Mommy, where she promotes clients through Twitter SiteWarming℠ parties as well as through product giveaway contests. These events helped land her on the list of Most Influential and Powerful Women in Social Media – 2008.
In early 2009, Amy created the word-of-mouth mom marketing and public service campaign network, Global Influence, which includes over 800 social media-savvy men and women. Amy has worked on projects for brands such as Schwinn, Kellogg’s, and Hasbro, and on public service campaigns such as Speak Now for Kids and the Ad Council’s LATCH initiative with the NHTSA.
Amy often speaks at conferences on topics ranging from Social Media/Marketing to Power Tweeting. She has also appeared as the featured guest on several Blog Talk Radio shows including Chicks Who Chat and Classy Mommy Live , and has been interviewed by a number of popular websites including Kelly McCausey’s Mom Masterminds marketing network and Profitable Mommy Blogging podcast. You can also catch Amy as a returning guest on Living $MART on WUSA9, the CBS news affiliate to the Washington, DC, market.
20 Comments
Amy, this is a fabulous article! I'm working on 6 yrs of blogging… and, am just now learning to set some boundaries. I think waiting so long makes is harder, because everyone is already used to the old me, and I'm not really doing much different now, so why suddenly throw up fences?
Because I have a 3 year old and time is precious, that's why. In order to have time to be with him, raise him, and make memories I have to be smart about when I work.
And, it doesn't hurt me either to have a bit more of a schedule!!
As a work-at-home mom for almost 4 years, boundaries have always been my biggest challenge. Demanding the respect you need for your working hours is essential to success but can be so difficult when family members don't grasp the concept that just because you don't have to punch a clock, you still have to go to work!
Fabulous! Right on the money Amy, but of course you are wise and I expect this kind of experienced perspective with solutions from you in all things. After 10 years working from home, I still find myself challenged at different times, its never static so you always have to be protecting it. Thank you!
Can totally relate to this. I have been a WAHM since 2007. Everyday is different many times and it is hard to juggle but it is totally worth it.
Amy this is so true – people don't believe you when you say you are working from home. Its also hard to explain the constant use of the computer at home….and still set a good example for our kids. My favorite tip above: say no.
I have to remember that!!
Monica – The Online Mom
PS BTW – Disqus was not loading…
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I've worked at home in some capacity since… 2004. Wow. Has it been that long already? I've ALWAYS had problems with family and friends not “getting” what I do. For years, my mom told me I wouldn't be so tired/depressed/anxious if I just got a “real” job in a real office. Well, I got that real job, and it didn't treat me very well. I ended up more tired, anxious, and depressed. Now I'm back at home, working for myself, and making more money than at any job I've held previously… More than three or four of them combined.
And yet… I still get the phone calls. I'm still expected to drop everything when I get an invitation. I'm getting better about saying no, but it's still hard. I get flak for being on the computer all the time, even though it's my business. (Although, admittedly, I do tend to get addicted to stupid games like Plants vs. Zombies in my downtime…)
Boundaries. I'll get there eventually!
Yes! Wonderful article. I have been working from home for years and even without adding the less traditional social media work to the mix, even just talking about how I am an educational consultant and writer, confuses the heck out of people. When my dad visits, he says I'm “addicted” to the computer, even though I'm working (for good money, too!) and the kids are asleep.
Setting boundaries, even if they are somewhat flexible, is the way to go! Saying no is also so very important–something I have trouble with both in my work and also in my volunteering.
And I love your comment at the end which is a witty reminder that we all have to find our own balance and break the rules sometimes, too.
Excellent Article, what great advice. I am a work at home Gramma and always have trouble explaining to people that I am too busy. Family and Friend phone calls are a huge issue.
This will help A lot!
Thank you Momeo and Amy! I need to print this article – blow it up to poster size and put it up on our refrigerator!! Working from home is such a blessing but boy sometimes juggling it all makes me nuts. I will be sure to frequent this post when I feel a case of the “crazies” coming on! I find I'm most productive when everyone in my house is in bed and sound asleep. I think the only thing I wish I could change is the “time stamp” on my emails that I send out at 2am. People always ask me “Why are you sending out email at 2 in the morning!?”
Great article and so true. I have worked from home for many years with 2 children. How about on Friday nite when all you want to do is get dressed, put on makeup and go somewhere, anywhere but your house. Everyone else that works outside the house can't wait to put sweats on and stay in.
Great article, nice site. I'm a 2 year food blogger myself. I have a diabetes/food related blog.
Having no boundaries led to having a stroke at age 26, which led me to be a life coach who is passionate about boundaries and the peace they provide. I’m now theboundariescoach.com and know the power of boundaries. Amy’s tips are right on especially if you are working from home. I can say my top two are 1. have set hours and 2. know how to say no. When you set boundaries you must tell/incorporate everyone in your plan otherwise it feels like a big wall, verses a plan that everyone agrees to and honors. So when you set your hours involve your husband in the plan and ask for his cooperation and his help and it will help you stay on track. Good luck!
Fantastic article Amy! Love the part about calling up the husband at work 😉
I worked full time from home during the first year and half of my son's life and now I work from home again – it's both awesome and CRAZY! Why oh why would we take on TWO jobs at once (sometimes 3 or 4 jobs at once)?!
BUT I LOVE my job(s) and I LOVE being home with my children. It is tough when other moms don't get that, while yes I work from home, it doesn't mean I have an unending amount of flexibility – I do have to WORK. They just don't get it, at all.
So glad to find MOMeo – where you all “get it!”
Sending this to my hubby too 😉 So he will GET it. HA!
Thanks, Sarah
I think this part of Amy's bio is part of the misunderstanding problem: “not to mention a stay-at-home mom to two little ones”.
There is one word in there that I think doesn't quite fit. Although it is not untrue, I think it can be misleading to describe oneself that way. I think if you replaced that word with a specific, different word it might change some perception.
Anyone know what word I'm talking about?
Amy, this is spot-on! I've been working from home for 2 years and am still trying to define boundaries – if you think of an idea, or if you're on a deadline, it's so easy to say, 'ok, just one more hour' – especially with the economy the way it is, I feel like I HAVE to work 12+ hour days just to keep the money coming in.
And then there's the flip side – taking care of you. I've had to turn down outings etc too, and I really need those times with friends to just enjoy life. And it is so right too, some family and friends don't understand the work-from-home online world, so I just say, 'I'm working just like you, but at home.' And that seems to work!
Your tips go in tune to the saying 'work smarter, not harder'!
Very good article!
Excellent tips here Amy! I’ve gone through many different phases as an online writer through the last few years and as I embark on my first stint as a “mommy blogger” this article couldn’t be better timed. Thanks for expanding on some that I’ve thought of before (like setting hours) and highlighting others that I hadn’t (like how even how you introduce yourself matters!)
Excellent tips here Amy! I've gone through many different phases as an online writer through the last few years and as I embark on my first stint as a “mommy blogger” this article couldn't be better timed. Thanks for expanding on some that I've thought of before (like setting hours) and highlighting others that I hadn't (like how even how you introduce yourself matters!)
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