The other day my friend called me terribly upset. Her 9 year-old daughter had confessed to her that she felt fat compared to the other girls in her class and wanted to start a work-out routine.
What’s important to know is that my friend’s daughter is completely average! She falls into the average range for height, weight and BMI. My friend is also not the type of mom who is constantly dieting, making comments about her own weight or critiquing every image of herself.
This is an average mom and daughter dealing with, unfortunately, what is becoming a typical issue for many young girls and boys.
Children are beginning to display signs of eating disorders at a younger age than ever before. A study conducted by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality showed that hospitalizations for eating disorders in children under 12 increased by 119% between 1999 and 2006. This was the last time statistics were available but it certainly isn’t getting better.
The signs of eating disorders are apparent in other statistics however. According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders;
- 69% of girls in 5th-12th grade reported that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a perfect body shape;
- 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner; and
- 81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat.
Unfortunately many parents are missing the signs and this could be deadly. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness, reports the National Institute of Mental Health. “Eating disorders are a symptom of something else going on and the earlier you catch it the better it is.” said Natalie Hoeffel, site director of the Renfrew Center of Connecticut in Old Greenwich, CT.
“People see a good-looking young woman who looks like a model. Her family says she’s healthy because she exercises three hours a day and swims and plays lacrosse. But they don’t understand what’s happening internally. She’s not eating and it’s putting stress on her heart which is extremely dangerous.”
Spurring this “perceived perfection” image is pressure from bullies and “frenemies” on social media, traditional media’s coverage of hot celebrities and even mainstream brands. Take for example, the outrageous comments made by Abercrombie CEO Mike Jeffries. Jeffries aligned himself with school bullies by unequivocally stating that he doesn’t make clothes for fat kids, only cool kids.
And it’s not just girls who are developing eating disorders. In fact, the rate of boys with eating disorders is on the rise. According to statistics, 33% of teenage boys are using restrictive measures to lose weight at any given time.
It’s critical that parents not ignore comments that their child makes or changes in behavior. Here are a few signs that your child might be struggling with an eating disorder:
- A preoccupation with exercise and a refusal to eat certain food groups.
- Eating large quantities of a particular food group, usually carbs and sugar, often in a secretive way.
- An uncharacteristic increase in anxiety or depressive symptoms or little emotion at all.
So how do you broach the subject if you think your child has an eating disorder? This is a group notorious for secretive behavior and the refusal to admit that anything is wrong. After all, everyone has to eat, so being “caught” with food or “just eating healthy” is a matter of judgment. It’s the seemingly small changes that sometimes are the only clues (especially if a child is purposely hiding his or her behaviors and is not communicating with you).
At a non-meal/eating time, speak to your child privately and express your concerns in “I” statements. “I worry when I see you push your plate away at dinner. I am wondering if there is something more behind it.” Open the conversation without accusing your child of anything. That gives her the best opportunity to open to up to you. If he or she denies there is a problem – which they probably will — mention your concerns again in a non-judgmental, non-threatening way again at another time.
If your child becomes defensive or angry, that may indicate that there is something more to your concerns and it’s time to get a professional involved. For a list of resources, visit the ANAD site.