Co-Worker Relationship Renovation

The same tricks for maintaining a successful marriage outlined in part one of  ‘Relationship Renovation…’,can be employed in the workplace. Here are some tips from the experts for rebooting work relations:

Thwart Rudeness

“We have a tendency when we do not get what we want to get nasty,” says Dr. Robert Moss, a South Carolina psychologist. “A person can learn to be nicer over time. If you give in, they are going to treat you worst and worst. I can engage with them when they can change their behavior.”

That might mean offering minimal responses or hanging up on an irate client or co-worker until they are calm, he says. “If you take more time to reason with them they are less likely to comply.

“You want to reward behavior you want to see and ignore the behavior you don’t.”

Extenuate the Positive

With an irrational client, listen for the shred of truth amidst the complaints, says Ann Smith, executive director of Breakthrough at Caron, a nonprofit wellness program that helps break unhealthy life patterns.

“Selectively define the things you say,” Moss adds. If you disagree with a co-worker’s ideas, glean what you like and overlook the rest. Let the person make suggestions that relate to your clients and projects. “As long as this person feels involved, the project will keep moving forward uninterrupted.”

Whenever possible, show appreciation by offering third-person praise, Moss says.  “Make positive comments about your co-worker or boss to their superiors.”

Reach Out and Touch

Many times anger and belligerence is rooted in a feeling of isolation, says James Córdova, a psychologist in Massachusetts.

“People most want to be seen and understood empathically. Take time to really listen and feel your way into their shoes.”
Smith agrees. Instead of a quick brush-off  – “We already tried that” or “That won’t work”– try “I hear you and I will consider what you said. Thank you for caring.”

People are much more receptive to problem-solving when they feel recognized and valued,
she says.

Maintain The Big Picture

Smith has a few key phrases posted on her desk to remember the larger perspective. One reads: “God Works Here Too.”

“It’s not all on me. A person may be having a bad day. Even if I had to say ‘no,’ I am respectful and considerate and it tends to turn out OK.”

Read Part 1, Relationship Renovation…marital issues cited by the experts and their suggested remedies